Mastery - Mediocrity Cycle and Life

Yesterday I had a friend reach out to me about how they feel they need more work-life balance.  Specifically, working less, to make room for the things in her life that are more meaningful.  I equated it to our mastery-mediocrity cycle.  I told her that there are going to be times that we have achieved that balance.  Everything is in alignment.  The angels are singing, and life is good.  However, like mastery, mediocrity creeps in.

We'll have periods where we have it all figured out, but I told her that there is going to be a lot of time spent where only one thing is going for them, and sometimes when nothing is.  That's just the way things go.  To add to that, her work is one where she has 3 months off during the summer, which really throws off her balance, because she goes through periods of extremes.  I'm the opposite where I kind of am always "working", and thus need to address my life in a different way.

I then asked her what that work-balance looks like, and what her goals looked like (timeline, specifics, etc.).  We have similar goals and values.  What I told her next is that you need to address things as a whole, as opposed to separating them.  Now, I am lucky enough that my work is also very fulfilling, though that wasn't always so.  I told her she needs to address work not as work, but as something that is supporting her overarching goals.  Also that she needs to make sure that her work is also fulfilling, otherwise it may be wise to look for something else (I know that is not always feasible for people).

The conversation was a really a microcosm of Mastery-Mediocrity.  Also, a lesson from Mastery by Stewart Emery.  We need to approach our lives, like we would mastery.  It isn't going to be linear, or quick, or even moving in the right direction at times, but it does have to be focused on our goals.

I ended the conversation by telling her that it helps to have a community/village to support your goals.  We can only do so much as individuals, and usually we can't reach our goals on our own.  Having a community allows us access to tools that we need, and more importantly, the connections, the relationships we have between people is usually the supporting foundation for our "why" to reach those goals.

Nigel Bauer

Active and Passive Kindness

This past week doing the AOK challenge has made me realize something very important about how I carry out this requirement. Some of the prompts were no brainers, holding the door for someone, telling a joke, sharing something with a friend. These are things that I would normally do even if it wasn't an I Ho Chaun requirement. Then there are some that require almost the same "level" of energy, complimenting a stranger, let someone else in front of you in line, clean up a mess that isn't yours. These are things that I try to do as often as the opportunity arises, and I definitely notice it as an Act of Kindness (as opposed to the earlier examples that I sometimes see as just being polite).

But this challenge has made me realize that I am very passive when it comes to my acts of kindness. In order to fulfill many of the bingo spots I had to go out of my way to do something, I had to set aside time in my day, or space in my brain. I wasn't just waiting for an opportunity to come along, I was going out and hunting for it, I was making it exist. Moving forward in the Year of the Dragon this is the approach I want to take for this requirement, not just doing random acts of kindness, but creating moments of kindness.

Reading this back I had a tiny a-ha! about the "what does acts of kindness have to do with learning how to punch someone in the face?" that we mentioned in classes leading up to this challenge; it's the exact same as fighting/sparring! I will be a much better fighter if I am creating opportunities/openings, setting things up so that I can seize them rather than just waiting for a convenient moment to magically appear. It has to do with control: controlling your opponent, controlling circumstances, and controlling opportunities.

Kayley Burke

Calming My Inner Squirrel

Yoga and meditation have been a bit of a challenge lately. My ability to focus and be mindful in my practice is being tested. I'm constantly battling random thoughts that just keep popping in and taking me away from the moment. Ugh, my inner squirrel is more active than usual!

I know these distractions can be viewed as a helpful tool to developing awareness and mindfulness. The theory is the more I practice the more improvement I will experience. I know this to be true, but am finding the squirrel running around in my brain very annoying right now. What makes it even more annoying is my ability to stay focused and mindful had been improving. 

After diving a bit deeper into my overly active inner squirrel, I found some obvious and not so obvious reasons for the increased squirrel activity and some answers to understanding and calming it down.

1. I believe my over active squirrel is an indication I haven't been spending enough quiet time with myself. 

2. The clutter and mess in my office at home is creating clutter in my brain. It's not a surprise I have a squirrel running around in my head looking for direction.

3. As the year comes to an end I want to believe I am going to be prepared but still feeling there is so much more to do.  

The squirrel needs to be calmed and reassured that everything will fall into place. To do this I need to take care of some foundational components of my life. Cleaning and organizing my office space will free up internal clutter and create more space to focus and prioritize stuff that really matters. That was my Sunday focus this morning and I managed to get quite a bit cleaned up. It is amazing how much better I feel when I purge, organize and clean.

Kung fu training isn't always the obvious kicking and punching, etc. It can be the less obvious things like decluttering a space in your home or healthy, mindful eating, or quality time with family and friends for example. These all have potential to feed the soul, the mind, the body and spirit and are aspects of Kung Fu and help me with my Kung Fu training.  

Michele Ward

Spoons and Forks

This week has been a heavy one for me.  My Dad is still in the hospital.  Work has been insane.  Frankie is had her birthday party on Saturday and then starts kindergarten this week.  I was really looking forward to throwing myself into work at the Kwoon, but my preparations were slightly thwarted.  My phone died.  My truck died.

Everything's going to be ok, but I am running on very few spoons.  And when I made that comment at the potato bake earlier nobody knew what I was talking about, so here I present to you: 

Spoon Theory!  

Spoon theory was originally coined by blogger Christine Miserandino, to describe what it's like living with lupus.  (you can view a pdf of her original post here:  https://cdn.totalcomputersusa.com/butyoudontlooksick.com/uploads/2010/02/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf).  It has since been adopted by the chronically ill and neurodivergent communities, and I think it's great because pretty much everyone can relate to it in some form.

Basically, you start every day with a certain number of spoons.  The number of spoons you have can depend on various factors (how much sleep you got, if you've eaten enough, drank enough water, how much natural pain or fatigue you live with (if dealing with a chronic illness)).  Everything you do costs a certain number of spoons.  Once you run out of spoons, you can't do any more things.  

(If you want to get really nerdy, then you can substitute spell slots, where once you use the slot it cannot be reused until you have a rest)

So, when you've had a long, hard day and you feel like you've got nothing left to give to the world, you are out of spoons.

And as a bonus: 

Fork Theory!

Fork theory is kind of the opposite of spoon theory, and works especially well for people with sensory issues.  

Have you ever been driving and had to turn down the music so you could "see" better?  Forks are the things that are making you uncomfortable, that are distracting from your ability to cope with the world.  Pain, loud music, annoying conversations, the lights are too bright, your kids are fighting, the dog is barking, the waistband of your pants is too tight, you keep thinking about the cell phone bill you need to pay, and someone is asking you a complicated math question.  All of these things are forks sticking into your psyche. 

Your ability to do a certain task may depend on the number of forks sticking into you.  If you have an important phone call to make, you may need to stop the kids from fighting, eat something to get your blood sugar level up, and make sure you've answered that important email first.

If you are a "normal" person, with "normal" expectations of life, and have had enough sleep, food, luck, etc, then you have a "reasonable" amount of forks you can tolerate (I use "normal" and "reasonable" in greatly subjective terms, here.) If you have great stressors, depression, illness, or pain, either chronic or acute or both, then your fork tolerance might be much lower.

Sometimes it's easier to take away a big fork, like excusing yourself from a social gathering, or take care of a bunch of small forks, like feeding the cats, watering the plants, and taking out the garbage on garbage day, before you can deal with a task.

I'm sure there are many ways to relate both spoon and fork theory to Kung Fu, but I have only a few spoons left and still need to go grocery shopping, so you guys will have to hash it out yourselves.

Kat Thelwall